Encouraging and complimenting like Jesus

So the other day, whilst I was studying (why do I always get my best thoughts and ideas when I’m meant to be studying…!?!) these thoughts just hit me – are my compliments actually helpful? Am I encouraging godly behaviour in people and complimenting them on what is important, which is their character, or am I always complimenting them on their appearance and their worldly behaviour?

I love being complimented and encouraged, as I’m sure does everyone reading this post. It makes me feel good about myself, especially if I’m feeling insecure or down or my self-esteem is low. But as I was thinking about it, I realised that most of the compliments I receive and give are based on appearance – clothing, hairstyles, makeup, body – not character, which is the most important thing.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised how complimenting on only appearance and encouraging ungodly behaviour could lead us to become very proud and self-centred attention-seekers. Compliments often make you want to continue that very thing that you have been complimented on. So if we are always complimenting people or being complimented on appearance and encouraging people to focus on their appearance and how they come across to other people, we will continue striving to look good.

However not all complimenting is bad. In fact, Jesus complimented and encouraged many people, and He is the One who we should take our example from of what wise encouragement and complimenting looks like.

We read in the Bible many times when Jesus complimented and encouraged His friends and disciples.

In John 1:47 we read: ‘Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!”

In Matthew 8:10 we read Jesus complimenting a Roman centurion on his faith, “When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such a great faith, not even in Israel!” 

In Luke 10:42, Jesus compliments Mary for sitting at His feet and listening to Him and encourages her behaviour by saying to her sister, Martha, ‘Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

Jesus also compliments Peter, and because of his good behaviour, rewards him, in Matthew 16:17-19 – “Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

So Jesus did compliment and encourage. A lot, actually. However, I noticed that He never complimented on appearance but always on character, faith and deeds. He encouraged only what pleased His Father and we need to take His example and do the same. We need to be women who encourage and compliment wisely, in the way that Jesus did, building others up to continue the good works God is doing through them. 

So, instead of complimenting on appearance we need to be complimenting on character. Instead of encouraging self-seeking behaviour, we need to be encouraging God-focused behaviour. Behaviour that reflects the work God is doing through them and not how they are presenting themselves. Because all of our good actions and characteristics are because of the Father’s work in us, so spotting this in other people helps show them how God is working in their life. Being complimented on godly characteristics that people have spotted in you will make you aware of an area that God has gifted you in and will make you want to continue that godly characteristic. Think how much more beneficial that would be to everyone! I know for me, that if someone tells me I am kind, I want to continue being kind, so think of how much this could build us up as Christian women who want to use their talents and gifts for God.

However, we must be very careful when complimenting and when receiving compliments as well. We need to make sure that we are not continuing characteristics for the person who complimented us on them, but that we are continuing them because they have pointed them out as good characteristics that God would want in us and that we are doing these things for God because we know they will please Him. We also need to make sure that we, again, don’t become proud or think that any of our characteristics are things that we have produced ourselves. Nothing good we are, do or have is because of ourselves. It is all from God, for God and through God, so everything we do should be with God, for God and through God.

Hebrews 10:24-25 – “ And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” 

Thank you for reading and please leave a comment below on what you thought of today’s post. I would love to hear your feedback and also receive any questions you may have!

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Chloe xxx

* Ignore the weird cream-coloured highlights... not sure why they're there or how to get rid of them!