Embracing your season of singleness //Part 1

I’ve dreamt of getting married and becoming a mum ever since I can remember. When I was little I was always playing ‘mums and dads’ and my dream wedding has already been planned on multiple Pinterest boards. Having been invited to two weddings in the autumn, I have found myself dreaming a lot about my own wedding day and wondering who my future husband might be. You see, our society is so relationship focused, with the idea that you are incomplete without a partner, and as women, it can become so easy to long to be in a relationship – to yearn for someone to love and cherish you and make you feel safe and valued. But recently, as much as I am finding it hard to wait for my future husband (God willing), it is a topic I have really been thinking about and there is a lot I feel God is teaching me in this season of singleness and waiting, whether it is a long or short season. So I’d like to share some of my thoughts with you.

Thought 1: We already have Someone who loves us

We already have Someone who cherishes us and makes us feel safe and valued – JESUS! We often hear people say that a husband or wife ‘completes’ you, or we hear people use the phrase ‘my other half’ when they refer to their husband of wife. But we are already 100% complete in Christ. We are already designed exactly the way God wants us and we are already whole. I like to say that a husband will not complete you, but will compliment you. When people get married, it’s not two halves becoming one, but two wholes becoming one. Another issue we have in society, is the lie that our relationship status defines us. It doesn’t. Our relationship status – single, dating, divorced, married, widowed – is not what defines us. What does define us is that we are God’s children, precious and beloved in His sight. We don’t need to go looking for a man to make us complete – our worth, value, wholeness and identity is in Christ and Christ alone.

Thought 2: Singleness and marriage are both gifts from God

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, ‘’I wish that you all of you were as I am but each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another that.’’ Paul was single and wished that each of his fellow brothers and sisters would be like him, but he recognised that both singleness and marriage are gifts from God. In our modern day society, so much emphasis and pressure is put on being married or in being in a relationship. Singleness isn’t seen as a gift. But here, Paul is saying that both marriage and singleness are gifts from the Lord, given to different people as is right for them to fulfil God’s plan for their life. So whether we are happily single, single but wanting to marry one day, or are already married, we must receive whichever season we are in as a gift from God.

Thought 3: We must prepare ourselves

High expectations will only disappoint. If we spend our whole life planning for our wedding day or to have a family one day, and that isn’t God’s plan for our life, we will only be left disappointed and will feel like God has let us down. Therefore we must prepare ourselves for whatever God’s plan is for our life. We must live with expectation that God will do His will, not that He will fulfil all of our own expectations. We must recognise that it is not God’s plan for everyone to get married. And that can be a hard thing to recognise, that it may not be God’s plan for us to get married. But we must see both as gifts, and we must be grateful for whichever gift God may give us. We must see both as different ways to serve the Lord. That way, we won’t be as disappointed if God’s plan for our life is not necessarily our plan. We must remember that God knows what is best for us and we must trust Him with our whole life – our relationships and futures included.

Thought 4: We must devote this time to God

Whilst we are single, we need to take the opportunity to grow our relationship with the Lord, because that is the only relationship that will last, and is the best relationship to invest in, as it will influence every other relationship we are in, romantic or otherwise. God wants our undivided devotion, attention and worship, not because He is a selfish God, but because He knows that we can only be ultimately satisfied in Him. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35, “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” Here Paul is saying that from his point of view, it is better to remain single, as a single person’s devotion is to the Lord alone, whilst a married woman is not only devoted to the Lord, but also to their husband. He doesn’t say that we shouldn’t marry, only that in his opinion it is better for a woman to remain single so that her full devotion is to God. But if we spend time with the Lord now, grow close to Him, find our worth in Him and give all our devotion to Him whilst we are single, it will set us up with a firm foundation for any future relationship we might be in. The stronger our relationship with God now, the stronger it will stay when in any other relationship. So we must see this time of waiting as a time to grow. Not only to grow in character, but also to grow in our relationship with the Father. Our relationship with God is way more valuable than any other relationship. 

So if you are single and are finding the waiting hard, just trust that God knows what He is doing, and trust that He has a good plan for your life, whatever that plan may be.

 If you are interested in this subject and want to read more, go and read 1 Corinthians 7 – it is a great chapter all about singleness and marriage. Also, as there is so much I could write on this important subject, I have decided to do a part 2, so keep your eyes peeled for that!

Thank you for reading and please leave a comment below on what you thought of today’s post. I would love to hear your feedback and also receive any questions you may have!

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Love in Christ,

Chloe xxx